Rock of Ages continues at the New Wimbledon Theatre, London until 2 March, then on tour until 3 August 2019.
Star rating: two stars ★ ★ ✩ ✩ ✩
Tired, sordid, inane, predictable, dire, fatuous… these were some of the more printable epithets awarded to jukebox musical Rock of Ages when it first rocked up in the West End in 2011.
The Telegraph’s esteemed critic Charles Spencer, giving it one star, immortalised the show by calling it “as unpleasant a pile of poo as has ever been my misfortune to tread in”. I can only agree.
But as the old saying goes “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me”, and while Rock of Ages is a load of sexist tripe, it went on to run for two years at the Shaftesbury and the Garrick after clocking up 2,328 performances on Broadway.
It even spawned a 2012 movie with Tom Cruise as its glam rock ‘hero’ Stacee Jaxx who is such a charmer that he has sex with sweet wannabe actress Sherrie in the men’s loo at the Sunset Strip’s Bourbon Room.
Now, a few years down the line, it is on its second UK national tour and adoring fans turned up in droves at Wimbledon, no doubt drawn by Strictly Come Dancing winner Kevin “from Grimsby” Clifton playing the Cruise role.
Clifton’s partner Stacey Dooley, who is dancing with Aljaz Skorjanec on the Strictly tour while “Grimsby” fulfils his Rock of Ages commitments, was also there on press night supporting him. And, yes, it’s already been to Grimsby!
Whatever persuaded Clifton to associate himself with this desperate production can only be guessed, but he’s signed up to sell it for much of the tour, taking a break only from 8 April to 1 June, so good luck with that. As an actor, he is a very good dancer.
I had toyed with the idea of awarding Chris D’Arienzo’s ludicrous creation no stars but that would be unfair on the hard-working cast members who do their best with what little they are given.
There are some fine vocals from Luke Walsh as wannabe rock star Drew, Jodie Steele as the athletic Sherrie and, particularly Zoe Birkett as Justice, the excitingly coiffured proprietress of the rival “gentleman’s club”, who knocks it out of the park in her numbers.
But the total absence of humour unless achieved by bad language, suggestive tongue gestures by the lewd narrator Lonny (an irritating performance by Lucas Rush), or anti-German parody in a sleazy sub-plot is harder to accept.
No original songs, of course, but 25 reminders of bands and artists like Foreigner, REO Speedwagon, Bon Jovi, Europe, Quarterflash, Pat Benatar, Whitesnake and Journey.
Many of the names don’t resonate with today’s youngsters and it is important that classic material like ‘I Want to Know What Love Is’, ‘The Final Countdown’, ‘Waiting For a Girl Like You’, ‘Can’t Fight the Feeling’ and the finale ‘Don’t Stop Believin’’ keeps getting aired.
The omens for a happy evening were not propitious when the show started 20 minutes late, making the audience restless, and it’s a crying shame that old tosh like this gets revived when far worthier musicals do not.
Other main parts are played by Kevin Kennedy, Rhiannon Chesterman, Andrew Carthy and Vas Constanti and the whole shebang is directed and choreographed by Nick Winston. The five-man band is led by musical director Liam Holmes.
Jeremy Chapman
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